Rufflesblogs: My First BarkPost! How to Train Your Human

...*Stretches*...Oh, hey there. N told me our blog is up and runnin'. She's been naggin' me to come introduce myself (again), so here I am. For my first BarkPost, I thought I'd do one for all my doggy peeps out there. See, there are lots of places for humans to talk with each other and exchange the 411 on everything dawg. But theres nowhere for us canine folks to have a pow-wow about hoomans. So after many hours of hard work, sweat, blood and tears (I accept payment in treaties N #notkidding), I present to you...

How to Train Your Human

1. Look at Me

Okay guys this is an important one to start with. Hungry for dinner? Bored silly at home? Want a treatie? If you wanna get your human to do what you want, first you gotta get them to look at ya. To do this, use The Stare. No half assed looks here! The stare has gotta be strong, and you wanna make sure you are near and sittin' up so your human knows you mean bizniz. Now humans can be a lil slow. So you need to keep staring until it works. If that doesn't work, you my friend might be stuck with a really slow human. Aright, aright, so if that happens, don't sweat. Use The Paw. One paw on your human's leg should get their attention. Mix it up with The Stare, or A Whine, and you should be set. 

2. Get Me Food/Play With Me/Let's Go Out

Once your human looks at ya, he should know you want something. So get up and walk over to what you want 'em to get. If its food, plop yourself in front of the fridge. If you wanna play, go ahead and get your toy. If you are going catshit crazy in the house, go to where your harness is. If you wanna level up, use The Point; look at whatcha want, then look at your human, and look bac'addit again.

3. Gimme That, Now!

Look, sometimes a dog don't got the time to do all that. If theres a new meaty treatie, or a new ball ball, I NEED IT NOW!! (Ops, got carried away heh). So whine away. The louder the better. If your human is annoying you by carrying you; whine, struggle, put your head in your human's armpit. Ehfurrything goes. 

5. I Don't Like This, Stahppp it!

One word. Sigh, groan, walk away. Ok so, I hate it when N brushes my teefies (don't get me started). And she's sneaky so she usually does it when I'm half asleep. So I let her do it, but I don't make it easy. I sigh, I give a big groan, and since I can't walk away, I move my mouth and tongue around as much as I can. Don't make it easy for them pawchamps. I'm pretty darn sure I've saved myself long teef brushin' time because of this.

So thats it for my first barkpost. Fellow canines, I hoped its helped you in training your hoomans. If you have any questions or human behaviors you can't solve, drop me a line- I'll be happy to dish out advice! (Donations to the Ruffie Fund are accepted in treaties).

Movin' Out,
Capt'n Ruff